an example of how not to attract a girl (or at least this girl)

let me preface a bit. i randomly got a friend request on facebook from a guy who said he saw me on my neighborhood page and says he lives in LIC and sees me around and wanted to get to know me. sounded like a gentleman the way it read and from his page he seemed very much a normal dude (not my type at all by the way). so, i decided to be nice and expand my network a bit and maybe have a friend in my hood. we email a bit and the next day he IMs me and this is what we get……..

Kevin
hi gorgeous
11:24am

Me
hi hi
sorry i have been in internet hell
our internet at work didnt work all day yesterday
finally working now
ugh
11:25am

Kevin
hey beautiful
would be more fun if u were here
those bikini pics r unfair .
11:25am

Me
hahaha
11:25am

Kevin
may i see in person?
11:26am

Me
what?
me in a bikini?
11:27am

Kevin
that’d be nice
11:27am

Kevin
hm…well, come over and lemme see
and feel if i may. too much?
life is short. y not enjoy
11:29am

Kevin
ya there? gotta go soon
11:44am

Kevin
what, too much fun? ha
11:46am

Kevin
enjoy your day. on my way out. drink later? shoot a text. 347-423-*****
11:50am

Me
sorry been running around
i dont drink
11:51am

Kevin
ok…well then how about making out?
7:44pm

Kevin
hm? ya there,pretty? drinks in lic?

hm?

ya there,pretty? drinks in lic?

7:49pm

Kevin
is it the easy english taht’s confusing you?

AND MY THOUGHTS ON THIS CHAT:

well Kevin….. im guessing you have been single for some time. i see why. first of all, hey beautiful and hey gorgeous is pretty lame. sure, those things are nice and all but i dont think its really necessary when you are having your first chat with me. just weird. and seriously, its not like im in a bikini showing all. and is that really the best thing you can come up with. i mean, does this really work on other girls? ladies? mind you, this dude has no swagger whatsoever. im sure he wouldnt even really understand the word in context.

but more important than anything……one thing that drives me fucking nuts. you ask me if i want to go out for drinks. i say i dont drink. then you have the nerve to say “how about making out?” this is a grown man. how do so many of them get stuck in grade school when it comes to women??? anyway – so then a few hours later, douche bag sends me a message asking if we can meet for drinks in LIC……..

i actually find it very hilarious for some reason. i kept coming back to my computer today at work and laughing at the douche baggery.

and you wonder why i am forever single.

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Tags: baggery, dating, douche, fuck, guys, idiot, men, ness, off, sex